practice remembering
I’ve been feeling in and out of my body for a good part of my life. Sometimes really attuned and other times floating way far away, not sure how to settle myself and my anxiousness. Something that brings me back to myself is movement. The movement doesn’t have to be anything serious (most of the time I’m just flailing around like a worm in the rain so here is your permission to get weird) but remembering to move is key. I titled this entry “practice remembering” because I think a lot about habits and more interestingly, what becomes the quick-draw reflexes I engage with when I have little slivers of time to do ANYTHING. I like to keep tabs on myself with habits because I don’t want to repeat the Tater Tot Turmoil of 2018*… but i’ve realized that the shit I do more often becomes the shit I reach for in a pinch. SO I get my happy sappy bum on a foam roller or grab my robot massager or make myself some tea or go for a walk around VOA with a caffeinated bevie WHATEVER IT IS THAT WILL BRING ME THE PEACE SO I CAN SHINE THE PEACE BACK OUT TO THE WORLD, thats the stuff I wanna keep flexin. Movement though, thats the butter baby. Maybe its just tiny little wrist rolls like right now while you read this… I’ll stop typing for a moment to feel that magic too….. twisty twist twist one way then the other then maybe flop your hands up and down like Coraline’s dad playing the piano at The Other Mother’s house or maybe your flop them upwards like you’re fanning your face on a real hot day.. Maybe next you interlock your fingers raising your palms to the sky and lifting your arms way up up up leaning slightly over towards the right and then left keeping your shoulders away from your ears a bit and OH breathing?!?! that helps. Maybe it’s just sitting and reading this and noticing your shoulder or neck tightness so you lift those shoulders up with a breath in and then exhaling while dropping the shoulders back down, making little rainbows with your shoulders. Try that again if you’d like. Maybe its taking your right hand and placing the fingertips on the left shoulder and pressing down on the soft tissue, trying again with the opposite hand and shoulder, keeping an eye on your breathing coming in and out of your nose.
All these habits, all these efforts. Keeping myself present and trying not to get caught in the webs of my mind where I might get lost in believing I don’t have a little bit of time to try and feel a little more connected to myself. I have found when I attend to myself in these ways, my body feels better (because yea duh stretching feels nice) but more specifically, because I feel more tended to. I feel cared for. Knowing that I can use my toolbox to help me feel more seen and appreciated allows me to show up more presently for others when asked to because I did something for myself already! GOLD STAR!
Thx for reading this! Hope you wiggle into something that helps you remember your light so you can shine so bright! <3
*ok, ok! Here is the scoop: when I was preggo with my kid I got REALLY into tater tots. I’ve always loved potatoes in any form but this tot business was another level. I would just always swing on through Burger King, grabbing some tots on the way. This continued through pregnancy and thereafter for a whole year. I became CONVINCED drive-thrus existed for moms with new babies in the car because NAP TRAPS are a thing and what better thing to do when your darling child is snoozin in the car seat but to get to eat your food HOT in peace?!? yes please. So, I was cruising in and out of the tater tot lines until one day I was kind of realizing my autopilot behavior but told myself “its just tots! Go get them if you want them” so I meander down Jolly Rd to the nearest BK. I pull in to see a very real, very alarming site. The Burger King was closed. And I don’t just mean for the day or the week but for good. Gone. Donezo. Goodbye. I pulled into the parking lot and just stared at the building and laughed because like, wtf, did I need a tater tot intervention?!? I knew I had a problem but they didn’t have to CLOSE CLOSE! It was the most random awakening but I needed it. Also worth mentioning, I was getting my nails done some months after this at the salon across the street. I looked out the window from the pedi chair to see a wrecking ball attacking the vacant Burger King building and I just felt like it was the cherry on top. Why then?! Why that day?! I couldn’t believe it. ok byeeeeee